Disgraced former Priest, Labour Councillor, charity boss and Chairman of the Cooperative bank Paul Flowers is set to present a new series of Jim’ll Fix It, according to BBC insiders.
Mr Flowers who is due to be changing his first name to Jim specifically for the new position told of his excitement at bagging the top job in prime time television. “They admired my ability to blag my way into top financial jobs without any financial knowledge and also my ability to get hold of all manner of illegal substances at short notice. They thought I’d be the ideal person to make things happen.”
Indeed there were to be more surprises in store, when Flowers began opening letters to see whose dreams he could make come true, things took another unexpected turn of events ”Amazingly enough all the letters were from me.” he told us “I couldn’t find any other letters so I was forced to make my own dreams come true with a sizeable BBC budget. Otherwise the whole show would have gone to ratshit.”
The first episode will see Mr Flowers fix it for himself to got to Bolivia to see cocaine being made, before being jetted back to the UK to watch the shooting of a porn film. Later episodes will see him driving the Dukes of Hazard’s famous car the General Lee and achieving his lifetime ambition of sitting on a policeman’s horse.
A spokesman for the BBC explained “We’ve learnt from the Saville affair. With Flowers we’ve got all the scandal out of the way beforehand. Probably.”
